


jarring whites and light greys (is how they described my city)

by westernapparel



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-21 15:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18143741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westernapparel/pseuds/westernapparel
Summary: The city was jarring with its whites and the muted greys. It was a ghost city filled with those at peace for themselves, but not for others. The result was a tension that could shatter at almost any second, which is what Ben expected.He didn't expect to live once more, and he almost regretted it.





	1. and the city was gone (but hopefully, not for long)

Ben lived in a ghost city.

It overlapped with the city of the living, and was why Ben saw everything through a filter, an unbearable grey he could never quite get over. It stopped him from doing anything but commune with Klaus, in which it got marginally better.

In the moments Klaus told Ben to “fuck off,” or he simply had the time, he would phase fully into the ghost city. The two colors were a light grey and jarring white, translucent and opaque at the same time.

Ben had taken to the tram to observe the skyline of the city, all whites standing against grey. From that height, he felt as if he were more substantial, the most alive he’d ever felt in years.

Time in the ghost city inched as slow as a snail, and for that, Ben was ancient, even when compared to old man extraordinaire, Five. He spent years on the tram, feeling as much as he would allow himself to without subjecting himself to longing once more.

The city thrummed with the energy of those at peace with their death- after all, there was a reason the city was exceptionally empty. Ben had found his peace before he even died; it was a looming threat, always had been. Hargreeves had a ball drilling Ben’s disposability into his head, so much that repeating it was an automatic reflex, even after all those years.

Ben had always thought his death would come through one of those particularly terrible training sessions, the ones that made him spend nights in the infirmary, his insides rolling and dipping and forcing bile up and out of his throat on more than one occasion.

Being dead caused the horror to cease existing, and Ben couldn’t be happier for the lack of feel. He, along with the city, was merely stagnant, loosely defined as existing.

Sometimes, Ben remembered Klaus, and went back to the city of the living after a decade or so, only to learn he had been gone for an hour. The transition from the ghost city to his brother, self-destructive Klaus, made his afterlife a fantasy.

Other times, when Ben forgot about Klaus, he would wander the city, watching civilians weep about their loved ones never quite getting over their death, and therefore never seeing them again. Others weep over those who weep for them, and Ben? Ben explored the ins and out of the city.

He had once met a man named Dave, who knew his brother. He told tales of Vietnam and their short ten months together, and the fact that he couldn’t reach Klaus, no matter how much he tried. He told the fond memories and distant aches while he watched Klaus exist in a fucked up world that made him fucked up as well.

Dave wasn’t in love with the idea of Klaus- The Séance, Number Four, the junkie, or the fuck up. Simply Klaus and no other. He told of the challenges of sobriety Klaus faced, and Ben realized the only person Klaus had ever loved died in his face, in the middle of a long forgotten trench years out of his time.

Ben wasn’t ever close to Klaus as a child, or anyone else. Death forced that on the two. He was quiet, despondent, and spent most of his life despising it than living it. Ben was always focused on the beasts that lived inside him, always trying to fight down the next bout of nausea or keeping his itching skin from bursting in front of Hargreeves, ready to throw him out the moment he underperformed.

When he learned of Klaus and Vanya’s terrifying upbringing, he felt an unreasonable rage against Luther. He was always the favorite of Hargreeves, the only (aside from Five) he treated reasonably, the ass that demanded retribution when realizing the years on the moon spent in vain after choking and threatening his own sibling, after dismissing the trauma of his own siblings.

Ben regrets ever telling Klaus to find Luther, especially in those few moments he had met a god and Hargreeves, while Ben looked on and could only hope he lived, even as he was dead.

Klaus had always been special.

The second person he met was a lady named Eudora Patch, who knew Diego and didn’t weep for him, but felt sympathy and pity for him. She watched his vengeful attack on the Commission and battle with morals as he, in the end, decided to spare Cha-Cha.

Eudora told him she would rather Cha-Cha dead than alive.

Ben was present at the end of the apocalypse and viewed through a grey filter Klaus’s hands glow, and the horror inside him split open a portal and turned him inside out once more, but only through the searing pain he had almost forgotten, before fading to a silent shadow.

It all seemed destined.

Five going into the past as the apocalypse occurred once more, the moon destroyed as Ben held on to Klaus, hoping he wouldn’t be left to haunt the deserted world for years to come.

As Five attempted to push all six (seven) of them through the portal, Ben saw the ghost city become so translucent it disappeared from his vision, and everything became so vibrant he was sure he was dreaming.

For once, Ben didn’t like the change.


	2. the future is dark (and yet, the flames burn brighter than ever)

When Ben awoke, he instantly knew that something was off.

It wasn’t the fact that the horror was under his skin, gnashing, making his stomach do flips, or the grass beneath his hands, or the glaring sunlight.

These were all things he noticed secondly. The first was the fact that ghosts don’t sleep and, therefore, don’t wake up. It was something Ben had gotten all too used to.

Although all of his senses were extremely heightened and he felt his stomach churning, as well as being on the edge of passing out once more, Ben turned and instantly punched the face of his brother, Klaus.

The man turned boy simply raised an eyebrow, saying “You already did that move,” but Ben was on step two out of three. He walked up to a shocked Luther and could feel the impact, whatever that meant, of his fist.

He proceeded promptly to step three: passing out.

The next time he woke up (still an almost impossible notion), Five was by his side and looking on with concealed wonderment. 

Ben was hyper-aware of what he was wearing, the old academy uniform. It fit terribly and the fabric was not helping his sudden need to acclimate to life once more.

Ben’s hold on the ghost city- with its jarring whites and light greys- had disappeared. His one and only reliable escape route was compromised. His ribs ached with searing pains and he could almost hear the slimy noises of the tentacles from within him. Ben went to cover his midsection, praying that Five hadn’t noticed.

“What was it like?” Five asked, never one for soft words or reassurances. Ben flinched at the noise. Why was everything so terribly loud?

“...Long,” he finally said, wincing at his hoarse voice and holy shit, he had forgotten how to breathe, “It was eternal, silent, and a city. Much better than”— he waved a hand— “This.”

“A city?” Ben smiled bitterly as the monsters roared for anything that would satisfy its diet, which would eventually be himself.

“A city of jarring whites and light grey for those at peace for their own death, but not for another.”

Five contemplated this while Ben tried to become familiar to a world without a grey filter, taking one, careful breath after another, and existing with another.

“Should I ask for the details of your death?” Five eventually said, hesitation present even in the arrogance he seemed to exude.

“It was as Vanya said,” because Ben knew, in an alternate timeline in which the apocalypse succeeded, he watched over Five, like a guardian angel who had no purpose after failing its job.

Five nodded grimly. Ben was sure Five’s knew from the start, knew from the offhand comment in the book that painted them for who they truly were, at the surface, anyway.

“What did you fo with Hargreeves?”

“I took the blame. The old man was truly afraid of me, he didn’t do anything. The others are using their half hour of free time.”

Ben continued to breathe awkwardly, focused calm breaths that turned to nothing to rapid, small breaths because he continued to forget. He felt an uncomfortable, hot itch. He wasn’t sure if it were due to the horror or the uniform.

“Why are you here?”

“For questions I don’t want answered, according to you.” Five smiled his smile, the condescending, all too sweet smile, the type of a shark. He went for a spatial jump but paused. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” he said, and disappeared.

Ben snorted to the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how to write five


	3. the city with jarring whites and light grey (out of reach, twinkling prettily)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i write this story w/ a font called 'homemade apple' on google docs and it looks much fancier (and longer) there

When Ben attempted to stand, he consequently fell. He was overwhelmed with the smells and the feel of everything, the gnashing of his stomach and his insanely cold hands and feet.

He decided fuck it, he’s staying right there, when Klaus had the nerve to walk into the room. He doubled over in laughter before wheezing “dinner,” and promptly leaving.

Ben made his way to the dinner table as the bell rang, and gods, they were like pets. He focused on breathing with each step, as well as the impossibly large clicks from his shoes.

When he made it down, Ben was instantly overwhelmed with the smell of the food Grace had made and nearly threw up, but Hargreeves was right there and he’d rather say a proper goodbye to his siblings this time around.

He, again, couldn’t tell if his stomach was flipping from the solid foods he was eating or the horror, but Ben could bet it was both. He never knew if the horror was into human food, but at the moment they vehemently rejected it.

Through his haze, Ben noticed Vanya wasn’t at her seat, but from the number of glances sent his way, she was doing fine. He attempted to stomach the drink and looked at Grace, who smiled reassuringly him. His heart and stomach dropped.

After the meal, when they all retired to the second floor, Ben heard Luther and the others argue over Vanya’s pills, but at the soonest moment he dashed to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up every he’d eaten, sweat causing his clothing to stick to his body and making him dizzy, and in return nauseous. He ended up dry heaving.

He spent the next few minutes breathing heavily, waiting as everyone else retreated to their rooms with the click of a door closed, and Ben could feel the cameras on him, and he could almost imagine Hargreeves staring at him intently, as he did all of his children, and Ben didn’t think he’d ever be safe in the academy.

He made his way to his room, and that interlude is the kind of time he’d disappear to the ghost city, embrace the jarring whites and light greys he’d known for most of his eternal afterlife.

He couldn’t leave.

It wasn’t the type of panic you get when you’re in potential danger, but the type that has your stomach dropping at the mere thought, and you can’t breathe, and eventually, it’ll consume you until you can’t breathe.

But Ben made his way to his old room and saw the knife next to his stand from those decades ago. He almost picked it up, but he reminded himself that death was lasting, and time travel can only work few miracles.

And anyway, Hargreeves had attempted to quell the monsters too many times.

His training was similar to the training everyone but Luther got, and Ben supposed that was the reason Luther supported Hargreeves even after he was dead. It was always unfair and was never even. After everyone’s ‘special training,’ they all refused to look Hargreeves in the eye, excluding Luther.

Luther was always Hargreeves favorite for reasons unknown to those who don’t like to gossip— meaning Klaus, Allison, and Ben knew. An umbrella shop was the start, and it all fell from there.

Even Luther had to admit the superimposed rules after Five’s disappearance were terrible. After all, Hargreeves had to assure himself his test subjects would never escape again.

His rules were for naught, because another escaped through death, even if involuntary. It was similar to a break in a dam, small at first, but bringing down the wrath of a river.

The next day Ben found Vanya and Five in his room, leaning against his bed frame and quietly discussing. He remembered this from another timeline, one in which Five and he and Vanya were more than just rivals, but friends, in the simple word.

He picked up the knife (all to close to his bed), and studied the dull blade, before jamming it into the bedpost, as Five did on that fateful day, the one that started the tear in the academy and was furthered by his own death. (For some reason.)

Vanya beckoned him to the ground. Five stared, bordered on glaring at Ben, and by Vanya’s lack of reluctance towards, well, everything, he knew.

Vanya didn’t remember, and Five was keen on keeping it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot???? me???? never


	4. the timelines

“How does time work?”

Five glared at Ben, but it was considerably softer due to his previous status as dead. Vanya looked at the two and frowned; she wasn’t oblivious to everything.

Five seemed to notice and relented at Vanya’s curiosity in the subject. He waved his hand and asked, “Expand?”

“Well,” Ben said, shifting due to the cold floorboard and, well, Five, “Are there multiple timelines, or just one?”

Five opened his mouth to most likely undermine his intelligence in that somewhat loving way, but closed it again and swallowed. Ben, of course, knew what this meant.

There was a timeline Five abandoned and Ben remained in. The timeline— in which he acted like a fallen guardian angel— marched on without Five. Ben would continue to haunt the now underground cities, flooded subways, and watch life slowly come to Earth again. Perhaps humans, or some variation of homosapiens came to. Perhaps they did the same exact thing to Earth, and the apocalypse was bound to happen as long as humans existed and Earth allowed it.

There was another timeline in which Klaus saw Dave in the afterlife once again; Vanya had found the book and murdered Harold on the spot, and Luther and Allison were together, without her slit throat. (An admittedly gross relationship.) In that timeline, the apocalypse never occurred, but Five was gone once more. The siblings all split apart again. Or maybe they were forced together once again through guilt as Klaus learned to make Ben corporeal, and he learned to be human again at a slow pace.

But then again, it was all assumptions.

If multiple timelines existed, then The Commission was merely making them all the same, as there would be no real reason something in the past would be changed unless one of the hitmen fucked around.

Five couldn’t seem to come to a conclusion that opposed Ben’s, due to the fact that he remained silent. Vanya looked between the two, furrowing her brow and chewing on her bottom lip.

In another timeline, one that Ben went through, his pursuits of intellect were matched, even surpassed by Five, who lived by the equations. Hargreeves set them against each other, a battle neither wanted to fight. Ben supposed Vanya always thought it was real.

 

Ben got up and started to head down the stairs for a glass of water before breakfast. He smiled warmly (what did that mean?) at Vanya, and promptly proceeded to slam his face in the wall.

“Ow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished this fic but the ending is really lackluster because i lost inspo at the end so it was done to be done, y'know? hope that oneshot makes up for it cause i spent the better part of today writing it


	5. and we've run out of time

Ben couldn’t stop fantasizing about different timelines.

It was, of course, when he did something extremely stupid, like attempt to walk through walls or stare at someone too intently, seeming like an outsider when in battle because he had done that for most of his life.

He spent the nights of those terrible days wondering if there was a Five who returned when they were still children, a Five who prevented his death. He wondered if there was a Ben that never remembered Klaus or any of his other siblings and continued to wander the ghost city with no purpose at all. 

He wondered if he ever met Hargreeves again, in the afterlife. Why did the devil get to meet a god?

Ben resolved to search the library. Hargreeves had hidden plenty of things there, and if he found a way to meet a god, it would be there.

It was, of course, midnight. It was insanely dark in the academy, according to Klaus, but ever since death, he had been able to see things he hadn’t before.

Like the ghost of a rat.

He made his way into the library, a gargantuan room with books filling every shelf, and piles on the ground. Ben hummed and ran his hand against the spines of the books, spotting a few he had read previously, as a human in another timeline.

As he neared his favorite spot in the library (a classy window with a ledge he could comfortably sit on, the window open a bit), Ben heard an incessant writing, almost like chalk, and stilled. His blood felt frozen, every inch of his body heavy with terror.

He heard a pause— he really should’ve said goodbye— and the small suctioning noise of Five’s portals.

Ben knew what would happen. He turned around and dodged a pencil thrown to his heart, more based on the fact that Five would never forgive himself if Ben had died there.

Five seemed to realize the same thing if him tensing meant anything. He walked over to his pile of books he was sitting on, reading and writing. 

He gestured to a pile next to him. “Well?” 

Ben sat and stared into Five’s notebook, scribbles of the unfinished work of a madman. He understood the title, though: Timelines. It was obvious Ben’s thoughts had sent his mind into a downward spiral, as did the “special training” Hargreeves was bound to give him soon.

Five, of course, noticed him staring at the book and closed it with a sharp look at him. Ben would probably regret it in the future, but he said, “Have you thought of alternate timelines?”

Five cursed under his breath. Perhaps the war was real, after all. He waved his hand, barely masked irritation radiating off him, and said “Expand?”

Ben frowned. “What else is there to say?” Realization dawning upon him, he said, “Don’t you dare think about traveling to an alternate dimension and leaving all of us.”

Five looked caught in a lie. Ben wanted to tackle him and punch the shit out of him, but he’s not ready to touch anyone, not with the horror eager to attack anything and everything. And he didn’t think he could touch anyone without sobbing.

Five held his composure. “After everything I’ve done to save you all? Never.” He teleported away, sadly with book in hand, leaving Ben to his favorite spot in the library.

Wherever Five went, Vanya followed, so it wasn’t surprising that she rounded the corner mere moments later.

“Is Five leaving?” she asked, voice laced with guilt and apprehensiveness.

Ben shook his head. “He’s on his usual time travel rampages, I’m sure he’ll come out of it. He always does.” Because Ben was never eloquent, he patted handed her a book, patting the pile of books he was previously sitting on.

“Thanks.”

Ben took the ledge and felt the cold air on his already cold limbs, and he had never felt further from the ghost city with The Outsiders in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive officially given up on this lol


	6. the end is the end

Ben was closer to the ghost city than normal.

When he woke up, everything was shrouded in a white mist that he had only ever seen in the transfer from the material world to the ghost city. His hands passed through multiple objects, but he still retained the sense of feel.

His body was ice cold and it seemed impossible that he was alive at that point. Whenever he touched something, the sheets, the floor, or a book, he had to break through an invisible barrier, and, even then, the object seemed to be coated with layers of plastic.

Ben had noticed the horror was quiet, not the rampaging monster it was in life, but not as dead as dead can be. It was in some sort of hibernation, which had him believe he was somewhere between life and death.

The sensation of existing among the living as a ghost was stronger than ever, but Ben got a strong sense that something was off. He stumbled his way toward Klaus’s room, who would be awake at the time and Ben knew that he could be seen by Klaus.

“You— You’re blue.”

“Holy shit.”

“Holy shit indeed.”

 

…

 

Five paced the room, gaze fixed on Ben. At first, he had been shocked, but it looked like he was expecting it. He wanted to shake the answers out of Five, but it was unlikely he had any.

Klaus walked in the room again, mouth full with food. “Can anyone read expiration dates? I’m already eating it, but to be prepared for the hospital.”

Fuck.

Today was the day that Ben was supposed to die.

Klaus dropped the frozen pizza in his hands, realizing what he had just said. “Oh my fucking god. Will you stay this way after you’re dead?”

“What?” Five snapped, not used to knowing nothing. “What happened?”

“Today is the day that I die.”

“Motherfucker.”

Ben glared at the calendar pinned by Five’s bed, hoping to will the numbers into the void. “We can only wait and see, right?”

 

…

 

The next day, Ben was in the ghost city.

Dave was understanding, but hated to see the entire academy search for Ben while Hargreeves acted as if he never existed, ordering Luther to throw away the food Grace had set on the table. It hurt.

Dave explained to him that the ghost city was unaffected by the changing of timelines, and so he knew Klaus. The god Dave had met barred him from seeing Klaus out of pure pettiness, until he had gotten his act together or the god had simply forgotten.

“Why can’t I leave, then?”

Dave had simply shrugged.

The next day, Ben woke up in his room, alive, and gasping for air he had already forgot to breathe. As he shot up, he saw all of his siblings on the ground, sleeping next to his bed. Five, however, was awake.

“Where were you?” he asked, bordering on snarling.

“The ghost city.”

“You’re insane.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “And you aren’t? No one here is sane. What’s your point?”

“Why are you back?”

“I don’t know.”

Five literally snarled this time. He teleported away, but reappeared and handed Ben one of his patented madman books. He spent the rest of the morning reading it, speculation of the ghost city. The last page was large, blocky letters saying “afterlife.”

“This doesn’t mean anything.”

Five shrugged. “Thought you should know before you disappear again.”

Ben curled his lips into the ghost of a smile. The irony wasn’t lost on him. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty dry ending. knew i should've kept it as a oneshot

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't beta this so excuse me for the writing


End file.
